Overnight

It happened. I turned 30 and left Max for a night. Yikes. Two giant milestones all on the same day - way to go for timing on that one Mommy. I have never really been one of those people who is scared of turning 30 (I guess I should saw was scared!) but I have to be honest I did feel a bit "out of it" in the days leading up to the big day.

I am not quite sure what it was exactly that was making me feel so uneasy - whether it was the fact that I have a kid and I am no longer in my 20's which means I really am a blue blooded grown up now or if it was the fact that even 5 years ago I would have never guessed this is where I would be a 30 or maybe it was just because everyone else was making me feel like I needed to be feeling something? In all honesty it was probably a combination of everything. But here I am alive and well and I got over the turning 30 thing pretty quick and now that I look back I even survived the night without Max ...although... I have never wanted to be up and at em after a night of serious drinking before ever in my life. I woke up with this feeling of pure anxiety just knowing that I was going to miss even more than I already had in the last 12 hours.  No I didn't miss her learning to walk, or her first word, or her first piece of filet mignon but I missed the extra smiles and the snuggles we have every night before bed- she is pretty much the world's best little spoon - even better than I am and I am a pretty damn good spoon! I just missed the feeling of knowing she was in the next room and could fix (or at least try to fix) anything that may happen. I didn't necessarily feel guilty for leaving because she had daddy with her all day and all night and I couldn't ask for a better Daddy-O to spend time with Max, I just felt a bit homesick and alone. Even now as I type this I am not sure how to fill in exactly how that whole turning thirty and leaving Max emotions felt but I know it was one of the stranger feelings I have had so far in life but probably not the last one I will have either. At least Daddy did a seriously good job documenting her day in photos for me. That helped ease the blow of being babyless like you would not believe!