food?

I have been dying to give Max some real food. Ok... not that rice cereal should be or will ever be considered real food by anyone except a 3 month old but you know what I mean. I am not rushing her growing up and I don't actually want her to get much bigger but as a serious foodie myself I feel like she must be so bored on her liquid diet. I have read (probably) way too much about when you are supposed to start rice cereal and what is the best kind and how to feed it to a baby and all of that happy stuff. After reading it all and watching Max watch us eat and pull her head up and only sort of bobble in her Bumbo seat...I decided she just needed to try a bite or two. I'll be honest it was not nearly as successful as her taking a bottle for the first time or even breast feeding for the first time but she didn't scream and I think that is a "bite" in the right direction. After mixing up the powdery flakes that were once rice pieces into a few drops of boobie milk we gave it a go. I have to be honest the mixture looked a lot less than appealing - sort of like a gooey homemade play dough, actually, more like paper mache paste (I am 99% sure that is not the spelling of mache). The smell wasn't the most enticing smell either but I guess we have to start somewhere. I am pretty sure if I started with the mushy bananas or apples that the little one would never go back to the rice cereal thing. I mean who would choose glue when they could have tasty mashed fruits? Not this Mommy. Our first few bites may not have been the most successful taste wise but her faces were hysterical and she knows that a spoon is supposed to go into her mouth...Which made keeping the ooey gooey cereal on the spoon a bit easier. I think this whole cereal thing is something we will have to come back and visit again in a few days, maybe a week. I am sure with a little more neck strength and being able to forget the taste of the cereal will make round two a bit more of a success.

always on my mind

This time of the year always makes me a little bit of a memory-aholic. Two years ago we lost an incredible lady that helped raise me and was my Mom's best friend and who really just inspired all of us to be fun, adventurous, healthy fun loving people. Max will never get to  meet one of the most amazing women I had the privilege of knowing and calling my family. Sometimes when I look down at her I wonder what Jane would have thought about her and how many adventures we could have had together. Sometimes it still amazes me that we have gone two years without her energy and laughter around. But what also amazes me is how much living we have done in those two years and it is that living that I hope she sees when she looks down on us. I like to imagine that Jane would see my amazing little girl as her own "grand baby" and love her and play with her and teach her how to squat properly just like she did with all of us. Some of the best times in my life (and soggiest camping trips) were with the Wamsers and these are moments that I will one day be able to share with Max. Besides the memories, Max will be lucky to have the love of the rest of the Wamsers, starting with an extra
special aunt who I know adores her. I know that her Auntie Kath will make sure she knows how to tie up her babysitters, swim across a pond, paddle a kayak (while it is tied to a dock), wear the coolest sunglasses and have a serious love for adventure. Even though Max will never get to meet the original she will have as close to her as I can provide. I miss Jane every day and I think of her so much but knowing that she is smiling down (and hopefully laughing) at us really does warm me up just a little. Even if that sounds full of cheese and completely ridiculous.

aunts, uncles, cousins and footie pajamas.

I love family - it means so much to me and I really want Max to see that as she grows up. Not everyone has a family quite like ours, I know every family is different but ours is a whole new bag of beans. For starters it is huge - like gigantic - but that is what happens when 4 families combine into an awesome unit like we have done. But we are also crazy, the dynamic of this clan just can't be beaten. We have good days and bad ones and crazy antics and emotional moments and sometimes we just sit around and enjoy being in the same place as one another but we always love each other and support each other no matter what. This weekend was filled with nothing less than any of that. We packed up on Saturday and headed to Templeton to spend time with the Denis crew. Our trip out the door was quick and after experimenting on a new route to get to that side of the state - my GPS said recalculating quite a few times- we finally made it with two dozen corn ,baby, baby stuff and camera in tow. We were ready to start our adventure. Max hung out with Grandpa/Papa (the name is still out for debate on this one!) and Gigi while Uncle Brandon and I took off to take Nicole's senior pictures (Mommy's first official photography gig) Although little Max decided to not nap while I was gone I am sure she had a grand old time cuddling and hanging out with family - I know how much she cherishes the time with her grandparents - how do I know you ask - she tells me.... yup you may think all those baby noises are just noises but nope that is her talking to me. Anyway, Nicole, Brandon and I  took our pictures and had an amazing time but the fun was only beginning. We spent the entire afternoon playing pitch and eating delicious grillables, laughing about silly baby things and stories of the summer. But for me the best part as I am sure I have said before is watching Max with her family. I sit and wonder what she remembers about everyones faces and the expressions they have when playing with her. Days like that make life feel complete and makes me know how lucky we are to be surrounded by such fantastic and loving people. We didn't just end the night there though, as Max sat all bundled up in her awesome new owl hat that Uncle Nate's sister crocheted, Auntie Meg, Nicole and I decided that she looked comfy and so should we and so we took it upon ourselves to set up a little photo shoot with our own little footie pj moment. 

But the best part of the weekend was the one on one time Max and I got to spend together in the early Sunday morning hours, we had breakfast and heard Max really giggle for one of the first times, I am not sure that Gigi and Grandpa/Papa realized that this was even happening but it is now a  forever memory for me. The four of us sitting around watching her smile and getting those throaty little noises out when we tickled her was just incredible. But of course the goodness did not end there after a tasty little breakfast we headed on over to Great Gigi's house to bless her with our presence. Just a short visit because the little one needed a nap but long enough to spend some time and catch up and even have a quick visit from Uncle Richie and Aunt Sue and their kiddos. I don't nearly see them enough and Uncle Richie is someone that even though I don't see as much as I should or would like he holds this amazing and special place in my heart. I have the most amazing memories of growing up with him, ice fishing, Dugays Chicken dinners, talking about skiing in Colorado, summers camping on the Cape and getting pizza at the local place in Sandwich and early mornings trying to get the big one on the beach.  Introducing him to my little one warmed me up and made me want to cry just a little. Not sad ones but happy ones because it was one of the most beautiful things I have seen. Watching his eyes light up as he held her for the first time made me really happy. You can't beat the joy a baby brings to the world and knowing that you have made someone feel happy when they may otherwise be having a tough time is nothing short of amazing. 

Soooooooooooo big.

I swear some days I get home and Max has grown inches and pounds since I left in the morning. Today she was in a spectacular mood and was loving showing off what a big girl she could be. She didn't want to be held or cuddled, she wanted to try and stand and sit up straight all by herself just to prove that she isn't a little newborn anymore! It was hysterical - her Charlie Brown head was wobbling around on her tiny little neck (some days I am really not sure that her tiny little neck will hold up her big bobble head and that makes me wonder what kind of baby neck exercises there are out there that could help grow her muscles big and strong because right now she kind of looks like a brontosaurus). But when she got herself up against that pillow and her head semi up she smiled and cooed like it was absolutely the best thing in the world. In fact she had so much fun that when she would timber over (which she has no control over and hasn't quite realized that if she puts her hands out it will stop her) she would smile even bigger and just look up like "Please Mommy, help me, I want to sit more"! It was almost like she was playing a game - you sit me up, I'll timber over - and we will see how many times we will do this before one of us gives up and I bet it's Mommy. I am sure that isn't the case though I think she has a few more months before she actually makes the connection between her timbering and me picking her up but who knows maybe we have a little genius on our hands???

Realizations

Today I had a big one. I know lots of things have changed and I have also tried really hard to keep as many things as I can the same but today there is one thing that was just cemented in my brain. I am a proud, in love to the moon and back Mommy. OK - don't be concerned I have always loved being a Mom and I have always loved Max. It was a pretty amazing and overwhelming feeling at first but today it hit me in this rush that made me smile from the inside out. I took a couple hours this afternoon and spent a couple dollars on myself at the beauty salon. Oh how I had missed being in that chair, looking like a fool with foils in my hair and almost falling asleep when she is scrubbing and conditioning my hair. But this feeling started well before the hair started, I walked over to the table to grab a magazine, hoping to find the trashiest one possible to catch up on some serious gossip, but when I walked over and saw the options I went straight for a new title... one that I would have never even taken a second look at up until 3 1/2 months ago - Working Mother.
Yup that is right, I passed up US Weekly,People and InTouch for the latest issue of Working Mother and it was then and there that I realized "this is the new me", I am officially a working mother and so I guess I better start reading up on how to be a cool one. That wasn't the only thing though, it was the fact that I had to put so much effort in not bombarding my hair stylist with pictures and stories and gushiness about the world's cutest, most precious and adorable child ever - Maxwell Elizabeth Gawron, because well she is (even I would put myself second now in that category)! It actually took almost every ounce of my energy to not whip out my phone and show her the hundreds of pictures I have taken since May 11th - documenting every little move and gurgle that she makes. At one point I actually thought about sitting on it just so that I wouldn't be tempted to shove it in her hairstylist face. Every question she asked I just hoped it would be able to lead back around to bring my little one back up. This wasn't because I had nothing else to talk about because I always have something to talk about that is not a question, it is just that Max was all I wanted to talk about. I don't know if it was the fact that coming back to work has made me miss her incredibly and so I need to feel connected when I am not there or if this is normal or if it is just a phase but I do know that the feelings of love were just overwhelming.  It was one of the most incredible feelings ever. I walked into the house that night - with new shiny hair and didn't care if anyone noticed because I just wanted to squish up on my little girl and enjoy every second of it.

Vermont holds a very special place in my heart. I spent some of the most wonderful years of my life in Burlington surrounded by some of the most amazing people I have ever been blessed to know. College was the cliche growing experience, love, parties, adventures, homework, three jobs at a time,

heartbreak, more love, drinks (and more drinks), and learning what I needed to do to grow up and take care of myself a little bit more than I had in the past. I made some of the best memories of my life in Burlington and there are days when I wonder where I would be if I had stayed or had moved back. But I didn't and I am here now, happy, content and settled. I made some very good friends up there in the 802 some of them in school and some of them outside of school. Through the years I have come to realize that some of these friends and my party people and some of them I have a true blue bond with that has yet to be broken whether I am thousands of miles away or just a few hours down the street. Yesterday one of these friends took the time on her 4 hour drive back up to VT to stop and spend a little time with Max and I. Although our visit was short because she still had a long road ahead of her it made my day in so many ways. Not only did I get to see one of the girls I have long considered one of those true friends but it was so awesome to introduce my little girl to that part of my life. It is a part that someday I will gladly tell all about to her, but, not until she is plenty old enough (I am going to deny deny deny I did anything crazy until she is way past her prime). Until then I hope to include Burlington and my friends up North in her life as much as possible... even if it is on drives through and quick visits and FaceTime phone calls.  ometimes now I feel a bit disconnected from that life and the people up there, I know it is partly my fault but it still is hard at times. No matter what ... I love my VT roots and my VT friends and nothing will ever change that. 

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can't pick your friend's nose... unless you are bigger than your friend <3 

Bubbles.

This girl loves her bath. It was a legitimate fear when I stuck her in the tub the first time that we would have a screaming infant that we were forced to wash while she was miserable. But nope- not this little lady. She loves her bath, not just sits and takes it, loves it. I think she may actually know when we are getting her ready to get in the tub, Her legs start going a milliton miles an hour kicking away and the smiles start and just don't stop. There have actually been times where Miss. Max gets so relaxed and comfy so falls asleep. Passes out, eyes closed, dead to the world asleep. Of course bath time isn't as quick as it used to be considering the fact that the little one's rolls now have rolls. And let me tell you what...baby fat rolls need to be washed and dried quite often, the other day I found one of her stuffed animals in there. Ok that is a bit much but no joke, those rolls go on for days and days! Her chunky little thighs and big smiles and rosy cheeks in the bath are one of the best parts of the day. Tonight I couldn't resist a little photo shoot while she sat in the bubbles, relaxing and oooohing and cooooooing. I can't wait for her to realize that when she moves her legs the water moves and the splashy giggles will begin.

With a special appearance from her favorite finger!

3 Months...

Way too big. That is about all I can say. That and WAY TOO FAST. It still seems so hard to believe that three months have already passed but at the same time I can recall the minute she was born like it was yesterday (I may have said it before but I will say it again, the whole you forget about the birth thing .. ha.. I can BS!). I am beginning to think that everyday when I get home she has grown at least an inch and probably even put on a pound. Aside from her growing like a week I think all of the spinach I am eating is causing her to have Popeye like muscle growth. Granted she can't walk or even roll over yet but you can see such a big difference in the way she holds herself up. No more baby cradling (unless she is sleepy and wants cuddles which I am always more than willing to give) she wants to be held facing out so her head is up and in with the action of what is going on, mostly because she is one of the nosiest babies I know. I am pretty sure she is going to be a bit of a social butterfly just like her Mommy. I guess I could be passing along worse traits. Although I could be taking that all back in a year when she is starting to talk - because if that is another trait I passed along we are in serious trouble. But until that moment comes along I will just enjoy her being my chunky little three month old!

Good timing with the camera finger on this one. Caught her sitting up all by herself!

Work. Schmerk.

Wow, what a week. I can't believe that I survived my first week away from my baby. Maybe that sounds dramatic but seriously- leaving that little girl in the morning is probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I thought it was going to be so easy and actually thought I would be looking forward to getting back into a routine, holy cow was I ever wrong. I love spending my days with that baby girl, watching her discover that her hands move when she moves her arms, talk to her silly bugs on her play mat, smile whenever she farts and all of the other absolutely amazingly adorable things that she does. But watching Max all day long unfortunately does not pay the bills so Hi Ho Hi Ho It's Back To Work I Go. And back to work I went and I even lived. Monday was tough but the thought of my overly full inbox and seeing my coworkers again kept me wound up enough that it wasn't too terrible - I didn't even cry. Tuesday on the other hand was a little rough. I was still tired from the new routine and Max was slightly fussy when I left and honestly I just wanted to stand and cuddle her until she was all better. The rest of the week has just sort of flown, thanks to being exhausted and totally overwhelmed with catch up work. Which is probably pretty normal considering the fact my day starts at 5am and I was out of the office for 3 months. I am also pretty sure the feeling of leaving my baby girl is normal as well, I won't lie and say I am ok with it and I still have thoughts of "Will she remember me when I get home?" or "Does she think I am abandoning her?" and those thoughts suck. But at the same time I need her to grow up comfortable and taken care of and with a good example of what I can do. I want to make her proud and to be able to buy her what she needs and to support any dream she may have and even though I don't make millions I know two things - the little I do make won't hurt when she wants to play football and the equipment is hundreds of dollars, or when there is a summer program that she really wants to attend and I also know that I am a hard, motivated worker and good at what I do and those are things that Max needs to see from her Mommy. So event though I can't spend all day every day with her I have to look at my career and my job as a way to help Max in her life as well. But if there is ever an opportunity, whether it be winning the lottery, a work from home job or who knows what else that would let me spend the days with her... you can bet your bottom dollar this girl will be taken it! At least today is Friday which means tomorrow I don't have to get up and shower and head out for the day, I can snuggle extra long with my favorite little girl in bed and relax and enjoy every minute of the day with her...

Girls Day

Work is just around the corner so I made sure to take advantage of my last week off. Max and I spent an entire morning doing things that are normally reserved for the weekend with two of our favorite peeps. Brown Aunt (this is my loving pet name for one of my best friends - because her tan on her Panamanian skin is unreal and I am jealous) and her little girl Riley. We went out for the most delish breakfast of banana pancakes, omelets and fruit salad to be followed up by the ultimate girl time out a pedicure. Max is just a tad too small to get her feet in the warm and bubbly water but the vibrations of the massage chair were the perfect way for her to take a little nap. It really benefitted both mom and baby - massage for me, calming nap time for her. It was about relaxing as a day gets. I mean what beats quality girl time, delightful food and a pedicure? Not much at all....