.mini session.

I love my camera and I love taking pictures. It is something I wish I could do all day every day - ok maybe not all day but I would love the chance to make photography my job or at least something I get to do much more often. But that is off track. The point is I am almost always the one behind the scenes when it comes to capturing the events of the day and the memories we are all making together. So today after I spent the morning taking pictures of the beautiful Bastarache family I was more than happy to have my camera over for a few so I could have a few shots of Max and I and Grandpa, Gigi and Auntie Brit... Not much beats a beautiful fall day with your family <3

3 Generations <3 

bald.

I am going bald. I am sure of it. Why does no one warn you that all of that beautiful body and

glamorous hair you get during pregnancy is actually because you stop shedding when you are growing a human? SERIOUSLY for the last month I have been pulling chunks of long blond strands out of my poor little head. I know your body changes when you make a baby and I have to be honest most of those changes are less than glamorous but I was convinced that my new found luxurious hair with lots of body and extra shine was going to be something that I would be "stuck" with well after Miss.Max joined us in this world.  I mean your feet grow, your stomach and well pretty much everything else stretches like a pair of pair of yoga pants on a chunky person, your skin itches in a way that makes poison ivy feel good and even though your boobs grow - you know deep down that is only temporary well and because everyone reminds you that is only temporary.

This new found grasp of my daughters probably isn't helping the hair cause either... 

So why oh why can't we keep the hair? I have wanted thick hair that bounces around my whole life and now I can still have that if I make a WIG out of the pieces I pull off my brush every morning! And why don't we shed when we are growing babies - is that your body saving energy to help make sure your little one has all of the fingers and toes she is supposed to? What a crazy thing to have happen and it is even more depressing when it reverses itself. Depressing and messy. Our floor looks like a Super Cuts gone bad and the other day David sent me a picture of hair he pulled out of his underwear? How does that even happen? I have to be honest... I panicked for the first few days once these chunks started falling out like petals off of a dead flower but after some research and lots of lint roller sheets on my work attire I realized that this is yet another side effect of the little one that is peacefully sleeping upstairs right now...

big e

The Big E should probably be considered another wonder of the world - think about it... amazing people watching, some of the most amazing (and worst for you) food you can even imagine, shopping, the great outdoors and drinking beer while walking around. Not much beats that. Sorry folks but this place is just a wonderful little bubble to escape from the world. So of course because I feel the need to take Max everywhere and build her into my yearly traditions I packed the 4 and a half month old babe up and we hit the fair (with Babci for support). This may not have been one of my best ideas yet. Pushing a stroller through thousands of people is a bit intense and eating fair food while pushing the stroller or wearing Max is also a bit intense but never fear I managed. Just like I have with everything else so far. Max will probably never remember that she saw baby chickens hatch and piglets with names like Jennifer Hamiston and Kim Kardashiham race around a track but I will and right now that is all that matters. Because I will be sure to pass these stories on down to her year after year when I am dragging her along to our fall family traditions! 

lactation.

Not once in my life did I EVER imagine I would be Googling breast milk and how to increase the production of it. But I am and I did and now I am on a mission to make it happen. Ever since I came back to work I feel as though I am just not being quite cow like enough. Seriously though even when I pump it just isn't cutting it. Maybe it is because most of the other Moms I know are like cows - legit cows, they could sell that fresh from the boob gold and be millionaires. I on the other hand need to pump 2-3 times to make one bottle for the little one. I know, I know, I know... stress isn't good for the whole milk production thing either but I can't help it. For someone who wasn't convinced that the breast feeding thing was even going to work I have become pretty attached and proud of myself for making it this far. Which in itself is something I should give myself a little more credit for and be proud of - which I will do when I figure out just how to make more damn milk! I drink milk, I eat yogurt and I practically live on cheese - don't you think that ingesting all of that should motivate my body to lactate like it is going out of style?

One would think... but they would be thinking wrong. I drink the 10 zillion ounces of water a day, I get "well-rested" (seriously that piece of advice must have been written by a childless man because being well rested with an infant although not impossible is not an every day occurrence, especially when you are back at work) and I pump religiously every two hours. When I say religiously I mean it. I pump in the car if I have to, I leave meetings, I set an alarm to get one extra pump in at night, I do it all. I mean seriously I am a manufacturer of baby food for the most important person in the world. I have ready every breastfeeding blog, witch doctor recipe and manual there is out there so it is time to bring in the big guns and get this calcium river a flowing (I am pretty sure boobie milk has calcium...oh god... I don't even know what I am feeding my baby...). It is time to add on some assistance to the pump/feed schedule and show these boobies who is boss. After much research I have found there are some natural ways to increase your boob milk- one of those ways includes cookies - so guess what that is happening.So of course I had to try this. Well that is after all of the crazy ingredients were found including brewers yeast (yes I know drinking a beer would be easier to get the yeast but that will be how I wash down the cookie!) ground flax seed, coconut oil and who knows what else. It was an educational shopping experience though because everyone that was visited in order to get these ingredients had another tip and trick to increase the milk flow. So now on top of the cookies (which are amazing and knowing that they are "helping" to make milks totally alleviates the guilt of eating two or three or four at a time) I have hops to make tea with, Fenugreek (which makes me smell like a maple syrup factory because apparently whatever Fenugreek is it is also used to make the maple flavor in syrup - the Aunt Jemima kind not the straight from the tree crap), condensed milk and some tea that smells and tastes just like black licorice (which I hate). But I guess this is just another one of those motherly things that you do - yes I know eating cookies dipped in sweetened condensed milk sounds terrible and you are not jealous one bit (hahah, yeah right! you know you want it) but honestly every time I eat one all I can think is - go straight to my boobs! I am honestly not sure that all of these things are doing my milk any good. Somedays I am sure I see improvement when I pump and somedays I am pretty sure I eat an extra 1000 calories and drink a nasty tea for absolutely nothing... but it is all in the name of baby.

4 Months

I can't believe it is time for another monthly update post?! Ahhhhhhhhhh PLEASE MAKE THE TIME STOP! I feel like I wake up and blink and a day or even week has passed by again. If anyone knows anyone with a time freezing machine - PLEASE - share the secret with me. I am so in love with Max and her crazy little personality at this stage it is unreal. Sure she has always been cute (and maybe I am biased but she is seriously adorable) but now her cuteness is almost toxic. I mean the smile and personality that is coming out of this little 12 pound nugget of fluff is amazing. It could melt the abominable snowman's heart to pieces. In the last few weeks Max has kind of left that blobbly little baby stage behind, kissed it goodbye and moved right into an adorable slightly moldable, I can kind of sit up and play with you stage. I use the term play loosely because she mostly just grabs at whatever she can and non-intentionally throws her stuff on the floor and this is all after she puts whatever it is in her mouth to gnaw on and drool all over. Her true colors are really starting to come out she smiles like it is going out of style and that baby talk is a constant background noise now (she will definitely be like Mommy with this character trait). Even when the nurses shot her up with 4 different shots this time they sat and stared in awe at her reaction. Yes she screamed and cried but the second I picked her up and cuddle her into me she stopped. Just went quiet and cozied right up into my arm pit. Bottom line is we had a great baby. She sleeps, she smiles, she shits like a machine and she rarely fusses. It actually almost makes me want to go and have my tubes ties because every ounce of good baby I had in me was  used up on Maxwell. There is no way that I could have a second child that is so calm and not fussy and well just kind of easy. Honestly at times I almost feel bad when I am talking to my friends and family that have babies about the same age because I don't have a whole lot to complain about. Actually on that note I am done talking about it because I am SURE I just jinxed it all.

Overnight

It happened. I turned 30 and left Max for a night. Yikes. Two giant milestones all on the same day - way to go for timing on that one Mommy. I have never really been one of those people who is scared of turning 30 (I guess I should saw was scared!) but I have to be honest I did feel a bit "out of it" in the days leading up to the big day.

I am not quite sure what it was exactly that was making me feel so uneasy - whether it was the fact that I have a kid and I am no longer in my 20's which means I really am a blue blooded grown up now or if it was the fact that even 5 years ago I would have never guessed this is where I would be a 30 or maybe it was just because everyone else was making me feel like I needed to be feeling something? In all honesty it was probably a combination of everything. But here I am alive and well and I got over the turning 30 thing pretty quick and now that I look back I even survived the night without Max ...although... I have never wanted to be up and at em after a night of serious drinking before ever in my life. I woke up with this feeling of pure anxiety just knowing that I was going to miss even more than I already had in the last 12 hours.  No I didn't miss her learning to walk, or her first word, or her first piece of filet mignon but I missed the extra smiles and the snuggles we have every night before bed- she is pretty much the world's best little spoon - even better than I am and I am a pretty damn good spoon! I just missed the feeling of knowing she was in the next room and could fix (or at least try to fix) anything that may happen. I didn't necessarily feel guilty for leaving because she had daddy with her all day and all night and I couldn't ask for a better Daddy-O to spend time with Max, I just felt a bit homesick and alone. Even now as I type this I am not sure how to fill in exactly how that whole turning thirty and leaving Max emotions felt but I know it was one of the stranger feelings I have had so far in life but probably not the last one I will have either. At least Daddy did a seriously good job documenting her day in photos for me. That helped ease the blow of being babyless like you would not believe!