Work. Schmerk.

Wow, what a week. I can't believe that I survived my first week away from my baby. Maybe that sounds dramatic but seriously- leaving that little girl in the morning is probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I thought it was going to be so easy and actually thought I would be looking forward to getting back into a routine, holy cow was I ever wrong. I love spending my days with that baby girl, watching her discover that her hands move when she moves her arms, talk to her silly bugs on her play mat, smile whenever she farts and all of the other absolutely amazingly adorable things that she does. But watching Max all day long unfortunately does not pay the bills so Hi Ho Hi Ho It's Back To Work I Go. And back to work I went and I even lived. Monday was tough but the thought of my overly full inbox and seeing my coworkers again kept me wound up enough that it wasn't too terrible - I didn't even cry. Tuesday on the other hand was a little rough. I was still tired from the new routine and Max was slightly fussy when I left and honestly I just wanted to stand and cuddle her until she was all better. The rest of the week has just sort of flown, thanks to being exhausted and totally overwhelmed with catch up work. Which is probably pretty normal considering the fact my day starts at 5am and I was out of the office for 3 months. I am also pretty sure the feeling of leaving my baby girl is normal as well, I won't lie and say I am ok with it and I still have thoughts of "Will she remember me when I get home?" or "Does she think I am abandoning her?" and those thoughts suck. But at the same time I need her to grow up comfortable and taken care of and with a good example of what I can do. I want to make her proud and to be able to buy her what she needs and to support any dream she may have and even though I don't make millions I know two things - the little I do make won't hurt when she wants to play football and the equipment is hundreds of dollars, or when there is a summer program that she really wants to attend and I also know that I am a hard, motivated worker and good at what I do and those are things that Max needs to see from her Mommy. So event though I can't spend all day every day with her I have to look at my career and my job as a way to help Max in her life as well. But if there is ever an opportunity, whether it be winning the lottery, a work from home job or who knows what else that would let me spend the days with her... you can bet your bottom dollar this girl will be taken it! At least today is Friday which means tomorrow I don't have to get up and shower and head out for the day, I can snuggle extra long with my favorite little girl in bed and relax and enjoy every minute of the day with her...